i barfeds in our rink
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
