i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
