My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
