He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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