I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
