I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
