Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
