Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
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