Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
