Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
