Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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