He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
