the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
