Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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