my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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