Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
