you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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