I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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