I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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