so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
