Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
