My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
