When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
