Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
