Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
