so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
