So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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