I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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