Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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