you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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