She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
