I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
