This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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