At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
