dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
