Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
