Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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