My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
