put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
did you just send me my own nude
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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