Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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