Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
