Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You are a genius and a whore.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
