I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize