Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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