You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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