But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
