im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
