So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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