what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
