32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
