and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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