Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize