I just saw a hot homeless man
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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