also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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