Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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