She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize