I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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