he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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