Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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