Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
