I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
