I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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