everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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