just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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