a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
