D3 body, D1 cock
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I pour the whiskey from now on
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
