the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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