i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
