By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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