one might say we're banned from that church
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
