I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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