i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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