That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
