i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
