this beer tastes like vomit already
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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