Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
