Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
