Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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