I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
