I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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