We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
