the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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