my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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