im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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